When child support isn’t being used to pay for children, when does my husband need to draw the line ?

By admin on February 27, 2011

My husband has two daughters 12, 15 from a previous relationship…never really married. They live in ID, we live in MI. When I first married my husband 4 years ago, the ex wife and kids were living in AK, she was married and doing fairly well. Since then, she has divorced ( only married less than a year) moved to 2 different states, and does not attempt to work very much to bring in any sort of income. She chooses these tiny towns that have 300 people and then when she can’t get a job she cries poor me. My husband pays 1200.00 a month CS, inline with our income and more than the original order. He pays 100% of the health insurance and all medical for the girls. He incurs all travel expenses, buys them computers and sends extra money regularly. But still after all this……she still is now in a situation where they are all but homeless, save for the fact they are house sitting for someone for a few months. Since she doesnt work, she has next to no income and just incurred a ton of medical bills. She homeschools the kids, and claims she can’t work because she homeschools. Her choice but the kids suffer and live in poverty. We live in a nice average home, I work, my husband works. I get resentful of the fact that they are always so dirt poor and we have to keep sending money that she uses to pay her bills and the kids still live so poorly. She makes them feel like its their dads fault, her doesnt provide enough and so they have to go without. These two were never married, he is not even on the birth certificate! He loves his girls and so do I and this is killing us. The 15 year old keeps dropping hints that they need money for their mom, but I dont feel like we should send it because she does nothing to help herself. The kids should not be caught in the middle. I feel like I cant even enjoy my home and my daughter, who is 6 and not my husbands, because we shouldn’t be living so good when they are not….but we do all we can and its never enough. When is it enough and can sleep knowing we are doing the best we can and she is doing nothing and has to reap the consequences of her children being poor because she is lazy? Should we just keep giving her more money?

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8 responses to “When child support isn’t being used to pay for children, when does my husband need to draw the line ?”

You know you hate me
February 27, 2011 at 4:51 pm | Permalink

Fight for custody of the children. The mother is obviously inept and in the long run it would be cheaper for the children to live with you guys, and healthier for them. The mother is hindering thier education and lives.

Her unemployment, inability to make bills, filthy home, and desire to home educate them in an inept way will all play in your favor if you two go for custody.
DM
February 27, 2011 at 5:06 pm | Permalink

What he should do is co-parent his children. Why not move closer to them so that he can actually be part of their lives on a regular basis?

If he doesn’t like the financial arrangement he should go back to court and sort that out legally.

These things happen when you marry a guy that has an odd exwife to deal with.
Jordan M ?????
February 27, 2011 at 5:48 pm | Permalink

Let your husband seek full physical custody of the children.
jtburton2003
February 27, 2011 at 5:59 pm | Permalink

He is responsible for the kids and making sure they are ok, so he has to at least keep sending the Child Support.
My suggestion would be why not try to get custody of them? The home life you could provide is much more stable and comfortable, and you could work it out that she doesn’t have to send any type of support.
DJ
February 27, 2011 at 6:18 pm | Permalink

By marrying him, you inherited this problem.

They are his children, so it doesn’t matter if he was married to this woman of if his name is on the birth certificates. The right thing to do is to help support them. I commend him for doing that.

You can have social services look into how the money is being spent (she may have to provide receipts), but the bottom line is that you can’t control how she spends the money.

I’m sorry to say this but it sounds like you’d rather have the money to spend to improve your own situation, but those children are his responsibility. They have to come first. What I see missing is true concern for those children. Clearly, they would be better off with their father, but I don’t suppose you’d be willing to help him seek custody and care for them, would you?

In this situation that would be the right thing to do.
Jackie
February 27, 2011 at 6:35 pm | Permalink

So many men do not know this, so it’s hardly ever inforced. A man can make a woman account for every penny of the child support that he sends her, and it had better be spent only on the kids. Clothing, school, camps, what ever. Child support money is to help with the children not to pay rent, credit card bills, utilities, car payments, her clothes, etc.. She is suppose to be working to take care of her own personal needs. A man can also put the money into an account for the kids, and take it out as the kids need it. She will have no access to it. Or he can put it into an account for their future education. Have him to talk to a lawyer, and have it set up this way. That way she is gonna have to start being responsible for helping take care of the kids.
solarflare0059
February 27, 2011 at 7:00 pm | Permalink

Of coarse his ex is going to use the kids to help pay her bills.
First i’d not pay more then is court ordered.
Second, Your buying the computers for the kids so that’s not an issue your doing that for them so it doesn’t really fit into this except sympathy
Third, The difference between the court ordered and the 1200 he sends should goto the kids, let them choose how they want to spend it… that way you know they are getting fed and such and can buy Or put the excess into a savings account for them.

The more money you send her the more money she will spend, it sounds like she is trying to wheel and deal and live outside of her means. I’m sure their mother is putting these thoughts into their head that their father doesn’t send them enough money , and that their father is to blame, but giving the kids the money the will be able to see the truth that it’s their mothers spending habits and not the fathers fault

But ultimate, i agree with other posters FIGHT for your RIGHT to be their primary parent, if she doesn’t have a stable house to raise the kids(if she’s just house sitting) in it should be an open and shut case. No court will side with a parent who doesn’t even have a house even thou they are getting 1200 a month in child support.

)))))))))))))))))))))0

And to the person who said they have to account for every penny spent…Sure, but to say that rent, and utilities.. i mean HELLO MCFLY, they live there to, so that’s acceptable use of child support….. And to say that the man can just put the money into an account that only the children can access…. Don’t work that way either And a car is needed to get the children around, so that’s an acceptable expense to…. Food , Clothes, Shelter the 3 basic needs……..But if this person isn’t even paying rent and just house sitting.. then something isn’t right no way 1200$/mth cant afford to feed 2 kids and clothe 2 kids.
George McCasland
February 27, 2011 at 7:54 pm | Permalink

Sorry, a little long to read and with no paragraph breaks. Makes it hard for us old farts to read. Here is what he needs to know.
http://child_support_trust_fund.dads-house.org/
http://Child_Support.Dads-House.org/
http://CHILD_SUPPORT_QUIZ.dads-house.org
http://Single_Fathers_N_Safe_Haven_Laws.Dads-House.org

To learn a father’s rights, join Dads House in Yahoo Groups. It’s free to join, access all materials, and you associate with other fathers going through, and have already gone through, the same issues. We have an Educational Manual that teaches everything that needs to be known in addressing your legal issues. Mention your question here when asked why you want to join, as well as your state?
http://Dads-House.org \\\\