My husband and I have been together for 9 yrs. During our initial dating period he left me to return to his ex-wife. His reasons (1) We had no committed relationship in his view and we were simply friends. (2) She needed him and can’t make it financially with their 2 kids. It didn’t last but a month and he came back to me. I was hesitant to get back involved with him but after listening to his reasons I decided to put the experience in the past. However, his ex-wife and his children has been a major factor for unhappiness in our marriage.
1. In spite of him voluntarily doubling his child-support she still has issues financially (even though she’s professionally employed);
2. He only hears from his kids when they need money or makes demands which he usually grants;
3. He found out last year that his youngest child is gay even though the behavior was obvious since the age of six. He accepts it but the ex-wife won’t in spite of having numerous gay/lesbian close relatives. She has used this as an excuse to increase her contact with him almost on a daily basis.
4. Lately he has been using the excuse that he has to travel to his job’s home corporation in a neighboring state which is located near the ex-wife’s home. Sometimes I’m informed a week in advance or two days in advance..really when he “remembers”.
5. Recently after reviewing online the call detail logs for our family plan, I noticed that he and his ex-wife had been exchanging text messages and calls throughout the day on several occasions.
6. He recently forwarded some money to his kids for Christmas (which was okay with me), but he added additional money for a gift for the ex. Granted the kids are nearly grown (one will be 18 in four months) and one works. Had I not reviewed the deposit slip online I wouldn’t have had any knowledge about this.
7. He goes out of his way to remember her for EVERY holiday and his kids make sure of that. But, they never send him a card or gift for anything. For example, the ex-wife called him at 6:45 a.m. to wish him happy birthday but the kids didn’t call until 5:00 p.m. or so (even though they have phones that he pays nearly 0 monthly for). When I asked him how long is this “extra” stuff going to continue..he responded until the kids are old enough to get gifts for their mother on their own.
I’m sorry but I have a problem with this behavior. She has manipulated him since she walked out on him over 14+ yrs ago. This man has given up his car, gave her extra money for support and even gas money. I’m just afraid that when his oldest child goes to college next fall, we’re going to be stuck with excessive expenses pertaining to college, etc. The child demanded a car for the 17+ birthday which he agreed to ge without my knowledge. Okay, so we purchased the car and even pay for the auto insurance. But, it is my belief that he is doing more than enough and they should not expect him to be their fairy godmother when it comes to gifts for their mother. I am to the point where I just want him to leave for a little while because I need space to think. Any feedback?
Oh, I forgot to mention that we purchased a 6-bedroom, 4 bath home because his kids wanted their own rooms when they came over. This occurred three years ago and they have stayed less than 10 times. I suggested that we downsize because my child will be 17 soon and anticipate leaving at 18 like my other child, this leaves us with our child whom is 7. I also suggested becoming foster parents. He shut down both suggestions. So, we have a huge house with several rooms that are never occupied or even walked into.